Transformational Change Institute

I've been talking to a lot of people about failure recently. Sometimes it's hard to see failure as a good thing, but it's actually required for growth. Think about the term "trial and error". Trial and error is just a nice way of saying "make small failures till you get it right." Think about how you learned anything. Standing, for example. When you were very young, you probably pulled yourself up toward something, maybe a small table. Then you fell. You tried it again. You fell again, but this time you fell in a different direction. Maybe to the left, or to the back, or to the right. Each time you fell, you were learning how to catch yourself, to keep from being hurt. Sometimes you did get hurt, but not too bad.

Anything you do from riding a bike to learning calculus is done this way: Make small errors till you get it right. That's how you learn the task.

Observed this way, failure really is the same thing as feedback. As adults we get so used to being right—to being what we think of as successful—that it's hard to see our failures as feedback. But oh, how important it is. Every failure is an opportunity to ask three questions:

Can I keep the focus on "I"?
When we are hurt by failure, it can be hard to keep the focus internal. After all, it's easy to put the blame outside ourselves: "If it wasn't for my lousy co-worker/boss/spouse/mother..." We can even blame karma, the zodiac or the weather. And really, there's nothing stopping us from doing that right now. Only when we put the focus elsewhere there's no opportunity for learning. But as soon as I say, "what did I do to bring about this situation, then I step into my power. And even if it is an act of weather like a tornado or earthquake, there is an opportunity to learn a different way of responding to the situation.

What am I learning right now?
Sometimes the thing we are learning is out of our awareness, so it's useful to ask this question. If I'm learning to drive a car, I'm pretty aware of it, but if I lose my job or my partner leaves me, then I may suddenly have to realize that I am learning something. Think of the learning in positive terms. Don't say, "I shouldn't have told off my manager." Instead reframe it into an ongoing learning action or strategy: I am learning to control my anger at work, or I am learning a better way to change jobs.

Can I generalize the learning to other areas of my life?
Sometimes it's a small bit of feedback that requires a simple change. I spent 20 minutes looking for my keys last week. Either I can adopt a strategy only for my keys, (they go in the basket by the front door). Or I can make sure that important small items each have a "place" and I always return them there when I come home. Learning once and applying it elsewhere is a good practice, but don't let it overwhelm you. Make changes in chunks you can manage. And for goodness sake, be positive about it. Feedback is an opportunity for change.

Sign up for my free Destination Method Seminars, June 18th and June 25th to learn more about how you can easily turn failure to feedback.